I'm feeling a little bit sad tonight.  One of my former students took his own life last night.  He was one of the success stories.  Many teachers worked together to help him graduate from high school.  He put his best effort in and had a smile every day. But obviously, we missed something.  There was a part of him we did not see.  And now we are left with a grieving family and stunned friends.
Hug your loved ones today, and let them know how much they mean to you.

Awesome!

This fall, I have nothing to complain about.  NOTHING.  My classroom is filled with delightful, brilliant students.  Yes, seriously!  They are funny and smart.  These semesters are always fabulous, until you realize that it is a calm before a storm.  Look out, next semester...  My workplace is a happy spot.  Teachers in my school are generally cheerful, upbeat people.  We look for the positives and take joy in every success.  Naturally there are a few miserable sorts, skulking around the staff room, acting as if the entire world has pissed them off.  But!  Mostly happy teachers.  Smart students.  Good days.

Life in the new house (almost one year here!  Wow!) is good.  The dust bunnies have made themselves completely at home.  The nooks and crannies are feeling like....well, like home.  It's a good place to be.

Girl Terror got braces yesterday.  She is so brave!  No complaining, nothing.  Her new purple wires delight her.  Right now, she is downstairs with her school friend, doing a science project.  They seem to be leaping around and shrieking more than I would expect, but I'm not a scientist.

Boy Terror is totally himself, and I adore him.  Not in public, though.  That would be horrifying.  His current obsessions are origami, paper airplanes, and mazes.  He makes mazes, he solves mazes, and he probably dreams mazes.  He's a quiet thoughtful creature.  I suspect he is just like his daddy was at this age.

Life just keeps on moving forward, and I feel blessed every day.  I promise to try to come back here more often!

Still Alive

Oh yeah....I'm a blogger.  Supposed to blog.  BRB.

Wednesday woes

On Wednesday, I had the BEST day.  A group of us went to the beach (YAY!).  I took Boy Terror to his last piano lesson of the year (Yay!) and I ran into someone I haven't seen in a long time (nice!).  All in all, a great and wonderful day.  Then I came home, and as I was washing my face (step 1 of 37 in a fight against aging) I saw something...weird.  Poking out of my forehead.  There was a random grey hair, two inches long, sticking out of my FOREHEAD.
With closer inspection, I found 6 more of these crazy things, each between 1/2 inch and 2 inches long.   All grey, all poker straight, and all in my forehead.

What. The. Hell.

In what world is it okay for hair to just choose random, previously hair-free areas to sprout?  Is this another part of aging that nobody told me about?  I do not have time to inspect my forehead every few hours to make sure I'm not turning into a werewolf.  This is not part of my daily routine.  I do not enjoy looking in the mirror and thinking "Wow.  Did I look like THAT all day??"

Someday, I'm going to run into Pierce/Anderson/Johnny and they are totally going to be thinking "Yep, she's nice, but man, her FOREHEAD SURE IS HAIRY."

Elementary school teachers = HEROES

Boy Terror is now officially done grade 3, and Girl Terror is headed into grade 6.  I feel old.  But mostly, I feel grateful for their teachers.

Mr. Super Teacher has been Boy Terror's hero this year.  He took the class canoeing.  He played with them, taught them all the important stuff, and put up with an amazing level of crazy.  Mr. ST took the entire class canoeing.  CANOEING.  On the WATER.  Picture yourself on a beautiful summer day, floating in the calm water.  Your canoe rocks gently.  The birds are singing.  The sun is shining.  Ahhhhh.  Now toss twenty nine-year-olds at your head.  Fun!!!  Entertain them!  Feed them!  Don't let them drown!!!  Two days after the canoeing, the class went on an overnight camping trip.  I did not go.  You couldn't pay me enough to do that.  They went swimming, hiking, and pond exploring.  They ate and played and slept (Ha!  They did not sleep!) in tents.  For those of you not in the education system, let me make this clear.  Mr. ST was not paid for this overtime.  He was not required to do it.  He chose to organize and participate these trips, because he genuinely loves his job and his students.  Also, I think he might be slightly insane.  Seriously.  The man does a head check for lice on 20 wiggly children regularly.  He deals with small boys, who have just discovered the joys of "writing in the snow" with pee, and girls who are prone to crying every time someone sits in the "wrong" seat.  He blows noses, cleans up puke, listens to butt jokes, and still manages to teach my son to breathe deeply when his indoor shoes go missing (not missing.  Just moved 6 inches to the left).  In between all that, he covers the curriculum in such a fabulous way that the kids have no idea they are learning.  Boy Terror is full of interesting information and knowledge, and Mr. ST is the reason.  

If you were hired as a babysitter for $10/hour, and only got paid for 5 hours of time, you would make $50/day.  Multiply that by 20 kids, and you would get  $1000/day.  ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS.  Every day.  Mr. ST does not make that kind of money, I assure you.  But not only did he look after my child all day, he gave him the skills to solve that math problem, in his head.  Thank you, Mr. Super Teacher, for everything!

Just a quick note to share some good news

This is the amazingly wonderful work that can happen when people are willing to talk about depression.  I'm very proud of my uncle!!

Roy's Dream

Deep ramblings on a Sunday morning.

I've been talking with my Mom for a few weeks about life, my upbringing, and how the past decisions look from 40 years down the road.  She's been struggling with feeling guilty about giving me up for adoption, and I've been trying to explain how or why I have never blamed her.  This morning in the shower, it all clicked in my head.
My past, my childhood, my upbringing has created me.  I am a stronger person than I ever really thought I could be.  But the big "aha!" today is this.
I can look a student in the eye and say "I know.  I've been there.  I've lived your life, and I survived.  I am a happy, well adjusted grown-up, and you will be too."  They have to believe me because I share my life openly in the classroom.  I'm not talking from a book.  I'm not preaching from a lesson.  I tell them my life, my experiences, and how I feel looking back.
When a student says to me "My parents won't let me shower more than twice a week, and the other kids are making fun of me." I can hug them and tell them about the girls who left shampoo in my locker, and the teacher who checked me for lice every week in front of the class.  When a student mentions that her family thinks she's going to hell for being friends with a gay guy, I can talk to them about the day my dad told my younger sister that maybe her desire to be a guy was caused by demon possession.
If I didn't have my past life, if I hadn't been raised the way I was, I would be a completely different person.  Not necessarily a bad person, or even a better person, but a different one to be sure.  Right now, in this place, my students need ME.  They need the Me with My Past.  This is why I AM.

The best weekend ever.

Last weekend I was lucky enough to be part of the first National GSA Summit, in Toronto.  It was beyond anything I could have ever imagined.  Life-changing.  Awesome.  Incredible.  Overwhelming.  I honestly do not have the words to describe those four days.  I was lucky to be chaperoning an awesome group of kids, and my heart just about exploded out of my chest when they accepted the award for CSSN TD Award for Excellence Against LGBTQ Youth Bullying. Over 30 groups across Canada were nominated for this award, and THEY WON!!! They spoke eloquently, wisely, compassionately.
Rather than ramble on, flitting from thought to thought, I decided to just give the highlights from the trip.
-when we pulled in to the hotel, past the crowds of LGBTQ students and allies, one of the students said "Wow....I'm not the gayest person here!" and he was right.  For possibly the first time in his life, he was NOT the most flamboyant person in sight.  Not by a long shot.
-At the opening night concert, my students made friends.  They went out, the met, they mingled, and they totally opened themselves up.  By the end of the evening I was seeing a difference in their body language.  They stood straight.  They STRODE into the world, rather than shuffle.  Their faces started to glow.
-At breakfast the first day, one of the shyest students in my group introduced herself to all the strangers at the table.  Then she introduced me.  Then she asked questions, smiled, laughed, and made friends.  It looked effortless, and in that moment I decided to learn from her, and open myself up to meeting new awesome people.
-Queer Prom.  If you ever want to go to the best, most awesome party, make it a queer prom.  The students were encouraged to be themselves, and to dress in any way that made them comfortable.  They danced, they laughed, they got prom pictures taken.  They danced some more.  The music never stopped, and the kids poured their energy out onto that dance floor.  Youth who normally sit off to the sides, watching, were up on the floor dancing, singing and clapping.  The feeling of acceptance was overwhelming.  I saw a first kiss.  I complimented a hot guy on his dress....very Alice in Wonderland.
-Sunday afternoon we sat on the lawn with Ivan Coyote.  Ivan graduated from our school, and went on to become an award winning author and a hero to many.  Seriously, go read one of their books.  Ivan was there to present our award, and we were lucky enough to get time to sit down together as a group ahead of time.  The kids totally opened up to Ivan, and I felt so lucky to be included in the conversation.  Ivan described our high school the way it was in the late '80s.  We got to share the ways things have improved, and the ways things are still really, really sucky.  I cried, they cried, Ivan cried.  We talked about the award, and what it meant.
-Before leaving the conference, we had to say goodbye.  It was heart wrenching, and beautiful all at the same time.  We were all changed, and it felt amazing, but at the same time we all knew that going back to the "real world" was going to be really, really hard.  Possibly painful.  Friends promised to stay in touch forever.  Emails and phone numbers were shared.  Hugs, tears and words of strength and encouragement flowed.
Here are some of the words I heard and stored in my heart throughout the weekend:
"Your students are some of the most polite and friendly kids I've ever met!" (from another educator)
"I held hands with a girl today....and nobody even blinked!"
"If school was this accepting, I'd go every day."
"If we can do all this, imagine what we will do in the next two years!!" (the next summit is in two years)
And a conversation I overheard in the elevator:
Person 1:  "I just met the coolest person, and they are going to add me on facebook!"
Person 2:  "Cool.  Guy?  or girl?"
Person 1:  "Ummmm.....no idea.  I didn't think to ask."
Person 2:  "Doesn't really matter."

And that sums it up.  Doesn't really matter.  Guy, girl, or undetermined.  Straight, gay, or any variation thereof.  Does not really matter.  Awesome is not a gender, and fantastic is not a sexual orientation.  They just ARE.

My mother, my hero

Student Teacher just gave the class an assignment:  Write a poem or story in honour of a family member who you would like to thank.

My mother was not there when my first tooth fell out
when I got braces
or when I had my wisdom teeth removed.
My mother did not see me graduate from kindergarten
high school
or university.
My mother did not get to tuck me in
wake me up
or worry when I missed curfew.

My mother made the ultimate sacrifice
for me
so my life could be better.
She gave me all the chances
and possibilities
her life could not offer.

Now, my mother is my best friend.
She knows my beliefs
my thoughts
my heart.
My mother is someone
I share my tears
my laughter
my worries with.

She is the strongest
the bravest
the most fearless
Mother.
She is my mom, and I will forever
keep her in my heart.

Student teacher is teaching me to watch and listen. She has a tough job.

I have a student teacher for the next 5 weeks.  This is a new experience for me, which is always awesome!  I hope to learn from watching someone else interact with my students, and hopefully pick up some tips.  I remember my practicum, and it was a huge eye-opener into the world of daily teacher life.  It made me sooo excited to get into my own classroom.
So far, I've discovered that I am a control freak.  I might have issues.  I'm possessive, and controlling, and uptight.  Did I mention the control thing??  Oh my god.  I'm giving up control, and it hurts hurts hurts.  I'm bossy, and I want to leap up and take control.  Obviously I haven't done that, since it would be defeating the entire point.  Poor student teacher would have to go back to university and say "I wanted to teach the class.  I really did.  But the Teacher kept interrupting and taking over, and totally ruined my lesson plans."  The other student teachers would feel sad for her, and my name would be written in some secret book of "Horrible Mentor Teachers - Avoid!!"
I might have to find a way to sit on my hands, and tape my mouth shut.  She's doing a fantastic job, and it will be a good lesson to me to learn to shut up and listen.  But.....it's just so haaaarrrrrdddddd!!

Catching up

I know, I know, I suck.  It's just that life has not been very exciting, so I had nothing to write about!  Also, I am lazy.  Very lazy.

The bake sale was a huge success!  We raised $450 and got a picture on the front page of the local paper.  Don't get too excited....ravens regularly get on the front page, as do random clouds, snow drifts, and rivers.

I haven't talked about Boy Terror lately, but he's doing great.  GREAT!  There was a fire alarm at his school yesterday, and even though he was mid-poop, and very surprised by the alarm, he dealt with it in a calm manner.  No panic, no tears, and no melt-down.  Very exciting!  Last night he was invited to a friend's place for an after school play date.  This is thrilling to us as parents, because we were both social disasters growing up, and we were afraid our little introvert might never have friends.  They played video games, and ran wild, and had a blast!  Woo hoo!  Hubby pointed out that it was a bit weird for Boy Terror to go play with this particular child, since HIS father used to game with Hubby!  Back in the day, they worked at Pizza Hut together, and sat in dark basements playing role playing games that made their mothers cringe.  Oh, the joys of a small town.  Everyone knows your name, your employment history, your relationship stories, and can recite the tale of the one time you did something stupid.

My daughter, my heart.

This afternoon Girl Terror and I went puttering around town.  When we are without the boys, we like to smoosh as much girl-ness as possible into the day.  We went to Bella Home Decor, which is one of our favourite places on earth.  The fact that I made it out of there with spending every penny I have is a miracle.  We were also shopping for baking supplies.  For lunch, I said we should try something new and different (she wanted sushi), so we stopped in at Burnt Toast Cafe, which is a fabulous little eatery.
As we were discussing the baking plans, she asked me what the bake sale is for.  After all, we were planning a 3 day baking extravaganza!  I explained that I am going on a trip to Toronto in May, with some students.  We are going to OUTshine, a summit of gay and lesbian youth and their allies.  It will be nothing short of amazing!  Girl Terror asked a few more questions, specifically about the straight part of the Gay Straight Alliance.  When I told her we are there to support our friends, and prevent the bullying that is a huge part of being a GLBTQ teen, she said "People need to be TAUGHT to act that way?!"
I looked across the table at her.  She was happily eating potato leek soup (which she ordered on her own), being polite, charming, and excellent company.  She was perfectly comfortable chatting with the waitress about the focaccia bread.  Somehow she managed to make a pink flowery head band go very well with her pink camo batman shirt.  She was beautiful, smart, and funny.  And mine.  My daughter. I often wonder how I managed to get so lucky.
We came home and baked.  We made rainbow cookies, heart cookies, and flower cookies.  We counted how much profit we might get at the sale.  And she told me we need to make more goodies, to sell to more students, so we can teach even more people how to act toward each other.
I am so very, very lucky.

There are strange things done in the midnight sun...

Last night, I....
-saw "Grandma Susie" perform
-ate Korean food at the Japanese/Korean fusion restaurant
-watched the fireworks
-observed the Hairy Leg Competition
-cheered on the Tattoo Competition
-was disappointed by the Beard Competition
-danced to a local band, surrounded by folks in flannel, fishnets, feathers, and winter boots
-saw Cancan dancers, who in my opinion had no business performing "Phantom of the Opera"
-and danced some more.

The Yukon is never dull.

random crankiness

Hmmmm....apparently I have very little to say.  The fact is, I've been cranky and foul and just generally unpleasant.  Winter sucks, did you know that?  If you are lucky enough to live in one of those warm, sunny places, good for you.  Now go away.  I don't want to hear about it.  

The good news is that the light is returning.  I can see, every day, that it's a bit brighter outside.  If I were a patient person I would wait without complaining.  HA!  That was a joke.  I am not patient.  And if I stopped complaining my husband wouldn't know what to do.  My students wouldn't recognize me. Yesterday I whined with such force two girls brought me a Dr. Pepper after class, in an effort to keep my head from popping right off my body from the force of my negative energy.  Such sweet girls.

I might have lost my mind earlier this week....I've set up a play date for the Terrors.  For this weekend.  Sunday morning.  NINE THIRTY in the freakin' morning.  Why?  Why would I make other children come experience Morning Mommy??  Those poor dears.  I hope their parents are saving up for the therapy bills.

Hubby will be gone all weekend to an archery workshop, so in addition to bring other children into the house, I have promised to make Valentine crafts.  Also we are doing some baking.  Oooh!  Cleaning too!!  Such a fun time with Cranky Mommy!!

Okay, I think that's all my words for today.  I will work on finding rainbow sparkles, sunshine, and unicorn poop.  Later.

Where have we been??

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all of you!  I haven't been posting, but I've been busy.  Grandma (Hubby's mom) is here visiting.  We've done a lot of unpacking and settling into our new house.  And of course, we thoroughly enjoyed our vacation.  

There was reading...

...and napping....

...and Christmas morning!!

 There might have even been snuggling and hugging going on.

 So from me, Hubby, Girl Terror

  

Boy Terror

and of course from Lucy

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!

Some things do not belong in the dryer.

Another teacher and I were talking yesterday, and he asked me "What is the weirdest thing you have tossed in the dryer?"
     (Okay.  I guess I should explain how this conversation happened.  Here is the short form:
          -student says "May I use a memory stick?"
          -I say "Just remember to take it out of your pocket before laundering those pants"
          -Other teacher says "Memory sticks don't like dryers.  Neither do cats"
          -I say "You've dried A CAT??"
 And we're back to the question "What is the weirdest thing you have tossed in the dryer?"  Without even pausing to think, I answered "My college roomate".
---
---
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What?!  She actually crawled in willingly.  It was one of those huge, front loading dryers.  The plan was for me to take a picture of her, through the glass.  We did not realize that there was still time left, and when I shut the door, the drum started rolling.  She looked at me with huge terror filled eyes, and then she was flung upside down.  Ka-THUNK!  Ka-THUNK!!  Poor tiny little thing (barely 100 lbs) was no match for the industrial strength dryer. 
It was honestly one of the funniest things I've ever seen.  I suspect she remembers it a bit differently, but I still giggle every time I picture her face, going round and round.

Christmas traditions

I am home today with Girl Terror.  She spent a good part of the night in the bathroom, feeling truly miserable, so I thought it might not be smart to send her to school.  We are in jammies and plan to watch copious amounts of TV today.  I'm a good mummy, making sacrifices!!
I was reading over at Hodgepodge and Strawberries about holiday traditions this morning.  I love the way Hannah's holiday sounds.  Very stress free! She inspired me to share MY family traditions with you.
We do not have family living close by, so we have never had to pack the Terror's into a car and head out into the Craziness.  Hubby is an introvert, both Terror's are complete homebodies, and so we spend a lot of time being quiet.
Our holiday starts any time after my birthday in November.  Usually I put the tree up the first weekend of December.  Every second year is Hubby's "turn" to choose decorations, and he goes with "tacky, bright, migraine inducing".  When it's my turn I choose a theme (this year is white lights with silver, blue and white decorations) and cover the entire house.  At some point I take Girl Terror to a local florist shop and we browse.  They decorate approximately 10 trees, and customers are free to shop right off the trees.  We choose one (or more) special decorations for that year.
Once school is out, we commit to complete relaxation.  At some point we watch Sound of Music and The Grinch (the original, of course!). There is a lot of Christmas singing.  Christmas eve we sip eggnog and then drive around to look at lights.  Christmas morning is a blur of wild hugs and shrieks. Around lunch time our friend Pete arrives, and he helps Hubby and I get turkey dinner ready.  Or, more likely, he gets the Terrors totally wound up and leans over the counter criticizing my cooking skills.  Either way, he's part of our family.
The rest of the holiday is spent doing as little as possible.  People visit us, we occasionally leave the house for groceries, but in general the goal is to be as lazy as possible.  Jammies are a totally acceptable outfit, every day. The leftovers keep us well fed.  We snuggle, we watch movies, and we breathe deeply.
Then it's back to the races!!

SOLD!!!!

Please excuse me if I seem a little bit distracted for the next while....I'm going to be busy MOVING!!!!

Tragedy.

On Halloween night a group of local teens had a party.  There was a lot of alcohol.  One girl decided to walk home, and never made it.  The next morning a neighbor went to start his car and found her in the snow.  Despite the best efforts of all the medical personnel, she did not survive.

I don't know what all the details are.  I have no idea what anyone was thinking, or why she walked home alone.  Here is what I DO know:

She was 15.
There was drinking.
She was alone in the snow.
She is dead.

I am so angry I don't even like to think about the situation.
I am angry at her friends.   I talk to my students CONSTANTLY about "making smart choices" and "taking care of your friends".  Yet somehow this child (because at 15, you are still a child) was left alone.  No, I am not blaming the other kids.  God knows they will have their own nightmares and demons to deal with.  But I'm still angry with them.
I am heart-wrenchingly furious at her parents/guardians.  They let her go out, Wednesday night, and did not do their job.  As a parent, you have one major responsibility:  Keep that kid safe and alive.  They failed.  I don't care if it hurts to hear it, if your daughter (or son) does not come home at night, you damn well go find them.  You do NOT wait for the hospital to finally figure out who the frozen corpse is, so they can call you.  Yes I am judging them.  Yes, I realize I'm not nice.  I don't care.  I'd rather have teens alive than be nice.

Hug your babies, tell them you love them, and don't be afraid to make hard choices for them.  It's okay if they hate you for a few years, so long as they are still alive.

Remember the 80's??

The students were doing their best to get me off topic on Friday afternoon.  After a lively discussion about the differences between teens today and my memories from high school, they wanted to know what I do NOT miss from the 80's.
Ahhhhh......we had some very unique ideas back then, didn't we?!!  Let's stroll down memory lane...

Glamour shots:

Remember these? It was SUCH FUN to go to mall (or if you were uber classy, a private studio) and get all dolled up.  Layer upon layer of makeup, a bottle and a half of hair spray, and we were STUNNING.  Giant ropes of pearls were often used to make the whole image "sexy".  Bare shoulders were required.  I don't know about the rest of you, but my Glamour Shot is safely tucked away in a locked drawer, waiting to be used in psychological warfare sometime in the future.  "Tell us the truth, or we will do THIS to you!!"

The hair:

Nobody ran their fingers through their hair in the 80's.  You would have lost your hand forever.  I had the best bangs, combined with the sides blown straight out from my ears.  My crush had to hold his head tilted to the side so his hair wouldn't succumb to gravity.  It was swooped right from his left ear over his head to the right. Cool.

The clothes:

Hammer pants.  Acid wash.  Shoulder pads the NFL could be jealous of.  Add to that the legwarmers, aerobics uniforms, and sweatbands, and you have a florescent mess of polyester.

The music:

Actually, I miss a lot of the music.  Not Tiffany or Debbie, mind you, but Depeche Mode will never get old.  Right?  Right?!!!

Tell me:  What do YOU miss from the 80's?  What are you hoping to never see again???