Sunday, April 10, 2005

Nature vs. Nurture

I just read another article on kid's personalities, and what forms them, and when. I'm always interested in this stuff, since I was adopted at age 2 and I often wonder where parts of my personality come from. I've decided it's a combination.
I met Beth, my birth mother, when I was 24. We'd been writing for a few years by then. It was almost creepy the things we had in common. For example, we had the same haircut. Mine was permed, hers was straight, but the same cut. From her, I've inherited my outspoken nature. My sense of humour. Neither of us can tolerate idiots, and we agree on just what constitutes an idiot. She gave me my writing skills. When I look back at our e-mails, we write exactly the same way. We both are with quiet, stubborn men. We are the social people, our men are the hermits. We have the same work ethic.
Marilyn raised me, and it shows. Mom would have no trouble finding anything in my kitchen. It's arranged just like hers. I keep house the same way she did, with "Cleanliness is next to Godliness, and maybe even God could use a housecleaner" foremost in my mind. I go to bed early, and have been known to repeat her favourite phrase "the morning is the best part of the day". She taught me to get all the work done, and out of the way, first thing in the day. It drives Hubby nuts. I hear her voice come out of my mouth when I talk to the kids, and it amazes me the phrases that have been just waiting to be spoken.
Of course, there are the obvious things. Beth gave me my looks, and health. Growing up, I stuck out. Everyone else in the family is dark, with dark hair and suntans. Me? A glowing ball of white, with red hair on top. Mom and my sisters are small women, and I....I am not. My boobs were a source of amazement when they arrived!
Some people have no family. No roots, no connections. I've had times when those connections were severed, those roots were buried deep. But the family blood and bonds are still there, going strong. My children are blessed with not one, or even two, grandmothers. They have three! They will always know why we fold towels a certain way, why we do laundry on Monday and vacuum on Friday. They will be able to look at Grandma Beth and know, without a doubt, that they look just like her. They will see us together, and feel the strength that comes from being related, being pulled together by more than just blood or a name. They will feel loved.


Shannon akaMonty said...

What a lovely tribute you are to your two moms. :)

I feel the same way about my 2 dads...the 'bio-dad' and the one who raised me.

Anonymous said...

That was really beautiful. You are really lucky to have a good relationship with your birth mother AND the woman you call Mom. Way to go! Michele sent me and I'm glad she did. Come by and visit me if you get a second. Have a great rest of your weekend.

Tisha from Texas said...

That is a great post. I was going to ask if you were from Yukon, OK and then I saw in the other post you are talking much farther north.

Well, I have a bio-dad and then there's the sperm donor. He's not much to write about unless you want alot of expletives and/or metaphors about cow manure. I have the greatest Dad - he just isn't the DNA kind.
Again, great post and thanks for the blogroll. I shall do the same for you!!

Dawn said...

That was a wonderful story!

Raehan said...

All three of you must be really special people--you, your Mom and your bio-Mom. That's wonderful that your children have a relationship with both of them.

Great post.

Michele said...

I think this is my favorite post that you've ever written.

And by the way- I have to vacuum every day, am I doing something wrong over here?

Sleeping Mommy said...

I think its wonderful that you have been able to assimilate all of this.

My cousin is adopted. She's wanting to find her birth mom now. She says just so she can get the biological and medical backgrounds--but she and her adoptive mom, my aunt, have problems. My aunt isn't cooperating at all.

I certainly agree it is both nature and nurture.

Beth said...

Beautiful Post!! And once again, you made me cry!! I'm so thankful you managed to turn out so well adjusted.

Anonymous said...

Great post! Sounds like you have many people in your life that care for you very much.