I've started going to the gym with my friend Cheri, and it's great, wonderful, all that, but it turns out I now have a whole new group of people who annoy me. Shocking, isn't it?!
Here is my list of Gym Idiots.
1. People who walk in the wrong lane. The track is very well labeled. Inside lane, SLOW. Outside lane, FAST. Middle lane, passing. The woman slowly sauntering along the fast lane makes me nuts. Really, lady? Can you not read? Or are you just that special that you can't walk with the rest of us slowpokes?
2. The people who insist on staying side by side, when the track is crowded. If it's a slow day, go for it. Walk three abreast if you like. But when it's a weekend morning, and the place is crowded, you DO NOT need to stay right beside your buddy. It's not like you're going to get lost. It's an oval track, there's nowhere to go.
3. The woman who carries her purse. I realize it's a high theft area, and clearly she does too. So why not leave the bag at home? Or in the car? Or in a locked locker? How can it possibly be comfortable to walk with that strap over your shoulder?!
4. Teenage boys.
5. People with small children. Yes, your babies are cute, but they are also in my way. Go home.
6. The guy who waits until I pass him before he starts running.
7. That woman with the BO. I know, I know. It's a gym. But for the love of all that is good, shower once in awhile, and wash that shirt! Everyone sweats, everyone gets stinky. Not everyone shoves the stinky into a locker to wear again tomorrow.
8. My students. They don't normally make me this cranky, but I'm all sweaty, no makeup, and I don't feel like chatting. Go away.
9. Skinny people. (Except my friend Cheri. She's allowed to be cute and skinny and at the gym). Go away, skinny people. Go work out somewhere else, where I don't feel like a freak next to you.
10. Women who wear gallons of perfume, and leave a trail of scent everywhere they go.
Okay, I think that's enough for now. The good news? I've been going to the gym, and I love it. I just hate all the people.