Monday, June 04, 2012

Here we go again

Usually the depression hits me late fall, and in the early spring.  It's pretty rare for the fog to hit me in June, but here we are.  On Friday I realized I didn't want to talk to people.  All last week I had trouble sleeping, and all I could think about was going to bed. 
Saturday I forced myself to head downtown to the park, to support some friends in the Relay For Life.  I was outside, I was visiting, I was exercising, and still it was a struggle to hold a conversation. 
Sunday, I told Hubby that I was having trouble being happy.  Usually just admitting to the problem makes me feel better, much like calling for a doctor's appointment cures illness.  I slept in on Sunday, I napped in the afternoon, and I still wanted to go back to bed and stay there.
This morning I feel a bit more alive.  I think I might be past the low point, and swinging back up, but still....this sucks.  It  I hate feeling underwater.  I know people must wonder why I am suddenly not talking.  My house is a mess, my work is falling behind, and my whole being is being pulled back under the blankets, where it is warm and quiet, and the entire world is blocked out.  I'm running and fighting and hoping to keep ahead of the blackness, but I'm tired and I can't help but think of how nice it would be to just lie down, close my eyes, and stop.  Just shut it all out for a while.


Anonymous said...

Your ability to be self-aware is a good thing and will help see you through. Hang in there!

Carole said...

Been there, and I know how difficult it is. Yes, being aware is a big part of it, but finding help to heal is also crucial. I hope you find the support you need.
I admire your openness.

koreen (aka: winn) said...

(((hugs!))) Give it time and give yourself a break. It will get better. I just know it. If you ever need anyone to talk to (when you feel like talking to people again), just let me know. Hope to see you next month!

Matt, Kara, Hunter and Cavan said...

That is so good that you saw the signs so quickly! I hope you are able to reach out for the help that you need.

Fawn said...

Crappy. I've got no wise words, just good wishes that the clouds will lift and you'll find the happy you again.

♥ Gloria said...

Hugs!!! Hope you're feeling better now! I hate those feelings ... xoxo