Let's find a cure for the cold

Just before I left for Hawaii, a nasty cold went through our house.  I refused (REFUSED!) to be sick for my vacation.  Sadly, I do not have the power to simply will myself better.  If I had that level of mind control I would not only be healthy, I would be 3 inches taller and 100 lbs lighter.  I also would have flawless skin and the voice of an angel.
Anyway....
One of my co-workers suggested a "brilliant" cure that she swears took away her bronchitis.  Cayanne pepper, garlic, and a bit of honey mixed together.  Take 1/2 teaspoon every 30 minutes.  Well.  WELL.  I tried it.
I forgot to tell you I might have an ulcer.  This is something I might have wanted to think about before pouring the sizzling fire down my throat.  It didn't burn my mouth, because I tossed it right to the back and down my throat.  It was....warm....going down.  And then the lava exploded in my insides, and I wanted to curl up and die.  I suspect smoke was coming out of my belly button.  My eyes streamed tears.  The oxygen when I breathed simply fed the fire.
My family was not very helpful.  Girl Terror looked at me as I clutched my gut, and said "I told you to google it first.  I knew it was a bad idea."  Hubby waited until I calmed down and then said "Just a thought...it still has to come OUT the other end!  Won't that be fun?"