I have a new exercise video entitled "Fat Burning for Dummies". That's right, not only am I fat, I am also a dummy. The back of the video says "If you have trouble moving forward, backward, left, and right, and breathing at the same time, this program will have you moving effortlessly in no time." Okay, I qualify. I cannot follow aerobic instructors at all, I do not look graceful, and forget breathing. The scrawny chick instructor promised that after learning just a few basic moves, I would be able to workout like a pro. I was optimistic, I was brave. I popped in the video and tried to leap around looking like the teacher. I have now done the "training" part of the video 5 times. I still cannot quite get my arms and legs to move at the right time, in the right direction. To be fair, the instructor does not have 25 pounds of 2 year old hanging off her leg. Nor does she have to pause every few minutes to take her water bottle back from a Terror, rescue the baby from being bashed in the head (with a water bottle), or peel tiny hands off the plant. And I bet she never gets to play "catch-me-if-you-can-and-then-you-can-have-the-remote-back" in the middle of her set of lunges. At the end of the training, the teacher says "Congratuations! You have just completed 12 minutes of aerobic exercise! Now you can go on to the Workout Program!" Twelve minutes? Really? I wonder if I get to say I burned extra calories because it took me closer to half an hour? And of course, I should factor in the muscle gained in my left leg, due to the extra 25 pounds hanging there.