Friday, August 12, 2005

I want to be a man.

I want to be a man. I've given it some thought, and I think they are getting a better deal.
Men go into a store, state their neck size (a typical male thing in which bigger is always better) and the sales clerk hands them a shirt that fits. Chances are, the guy never even tries it on. Women? Our neck size never comes into it. Our boob size, ass size, belly size, and hair colour all determine if a shirt is any good. For women, bigger is not better. Not even for hair anymore.
A man never worries about how his ass looks. A woman? Can go through her entire closet looking for an outfit that shrinks her butt.
Once a couple has kids, things do not even out. If the man changes diapers, he's treated like a hero. The woman is still trying to explain/justify her choice of cloth or disposable to everyone, and she is never right. The man gives the baby a bottle, he is a sensitive, modern, in-touch father. The woman gives the baby a bottle, and the person next to her criticizes her for using bottles versus breasts. The father takes the kids shopping, and other women say "Oooh. Look, how adorable. He's trying so hard to buy groceries and keep the babies in the cart." Same kids, other parent, the women say "She just can't control those kids, can she? How hard is it to shop and keep those brats from screaming?"
Men never feel the need to rip out body hair, wear pants 2 sizes too small, or eat low-fat cardboard. They fart whenever and wherever they like. They adjust all body parts in public.
Of course, there's the whole peeing standing up, no giving birth, and all the usual stuff. I want all that, too. I want it all. I want to be a man, just for a day. Maybe a few days. Maybe just until the novelty wears off, and I start to miss the power of tears-on-command.


Anonymous said...

Hear, hear!!! Oh, that's good!

Wouldn't that be fun? I wonder how many men would like to be a woman for a day or so???!!!

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Isn't having control of the check book good enough for you? Picky picky picky.

Jenny said...

Hee! I love it.

Beth said...

Have a mentioned before that you should be writing a column for someone?? You have such a talent!

Anonymous said...

Sing it Sister!

The one I think I hate the most is: when a husband does housework he is "giving you a hand"..when the wife does it...well it's just assumed that is her matter if she has a full time job out of the house"

JustLinda said...

Too funny! And so true!!!