Sunday, October 22, 2006

The fog rolls in.

The grey fog is back. I don't know why. I don't have any idea what caused the return, but it's here. I fought with it on Friday night, after missing a dose of my medicine, and foolishly doubling up the next dose to catch up. I tried to out-run it all day Saturday, hoping that by this morning I would feel.... just feel. This morning it was still here, waiting to pounce on me as soon as I got out of bed.
No matter what I did today, I couldn't shake the mood. I am so lucky that Hubby does his best to understand and help. He knows there really is nothing he can do but wait out the storm, and so he does, patiently and quietly.
I've gone out of the house. I've sat quietly. I hugged my son, I took my daughter to school with me for an hour. I'm currently drinking an iced cappuccino and avoiding all human contact. Nothing is helping, so I am counting the hours, the minutes, the breaths until I can go under my blankets and shut out the world. Tomorrow is another day, please let it be a clear one.

8 comments:

Not Just a Mom said...

I hope you get to feeling better soon. I have had lots of days like that, especially when I think I don't need the meds anymore. {hug}

Mary P. said...

Beautifully written! I hope the sun breaks through today.

Anonymous said...

fog? What kind of fog are you dealing with? I'm curious now, as I also deal with a fog of my own, Fibromyalgia mind fog...it sucks.

Hope you're feeling better soon!

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Whatever is bugging you is bugging the wrong person. You are too good to be down. Give it the old "So it goes" treatment, smile and be happy....

Rootietoot said...

Roll with it. Tomorrow is, indeed, another day. If you've dealt with it before then you know it's not forever. If you feel like crying and you don't want anyone to know, chop an onion and blame it on that. It doesn't really fool anyone but I know I feel better when I do it that way.

Beth said...

I'm so sorry it's back again !! You call it 'the fog' - my brother, who as you know, also suffers from chronic depression, calls it 'the black hole'. From my conversations with him, I understand a lot more about the illness and can even get a small sense of how it feels - though I fortunately don't have the experience first hand. I know enough to know that having a good cry isn't the answer ....you don't care enough to cry. I know that it isn't something you can 'roll with and get on with life'. Many people don't understand that.
You have no control over when the fog rolls in. Do you think the shorter days and weather helped bring it on?? I know that Roy also suffers from SAD and the onset of winter is a tricky time for him. I know he won't mind me using his name - he now works for Mental Health and is a peer counseller - he travels all over Canada and the US giving seminars etc.
Hope the medication imbalance corrects itself soon and you start feeling better.

for what it's worth said...

I know the power of the fog. It has such immense power. Reaching out is the best thing you can do. I bet you will find a hundred hands waiting to hold yours.
Best of luck and solid prayers are with you.

debby said...

a hug.....when words fail..