This morning was Hubby's turn to get up with the Terrors. He is suffering from a wicked cold, and an ear infection, so he rolled out of bed and settled in on the couch. His ear infection is making him even more deaf than usual, so I decided to not use my "Sleeping in!" ear plugs. Good thing.
I woke up around 8 to hear Girl Terror bellowing "COME WIPE MY BUMMMM!" She is perfectly capable of wiping her own bum, she does it at day care all the time. But at home, she likes to share the fun.
Hubby did not hear the call to duty. So she yelled again. "COME WIPE MY BUM!!" No answer. Boy Terror was in the bathroom with her (I don't know why. He just likes to keep people company, I guess.) so she sent him off on a mission to get Daddy. I heard him pound out to the living room, but I didn't hear any messages being delivered.
I stayed in bed. With my eyes closed. I honestly figured that if no one answered her, she'd just wipe it herself, and all would be fine. But no! Why wipe your own ass when someone else could be doing it for you?!
Boy Terror ran back to the bathroom. I didn't hear all the conversation, but I did hear, loud and clear, my two year old son say "I wipe you bum, okay?"
What?! He will not poop in his own potty, he only mentions needing to pee 5 minutes after the fact, but he feels like he's an authority on butt wiping?!
Again, I stayed in bed. But by now I was sitting up. I thought, foolishly, that Girl Terror would refuse, and would take care of her own business. Silly me.
"Okay!! Here, I stand up. Now, you need to open my bum cheeks..." I don't know what else she would have said, because I was out of the bed and into the bathroom faster than you can say "These-kids-need-therapy".
We had a little chat. No more asking little brother for help. Privacy, remember? Wipe your own bum. That's why you have arms. And for god's sake, shake your father awake when you need him! Staring at him does NOT wake him up!!