Sunday, June 12, 2011

My softer side makes an appearance

My students seem to believe I have no feelings.  That indeed, I am a cold heartless wench, with a chunk of ice instead of a heart.  Hmph.  True, I am not a hugger.  Nor do I gush over many things.  I like the practical, logical way of making choices.  Emotions are for weaker beings.  Anyway!  I happen to believe I DO have feelings, I just keep them buried and hidden away, not flaunting around like shameless exhibitionists. 
I thought I finally had proof of my kind-heartedness, so I told my students this story:
Last night when I went to let the cat inside, he was lounging on the lawn with a suspicious fluff ball in front of him.  He came in for a snack.  I went out to investigate, and found a sad little mouse with a broken spine.  She was desperately trying to get away, using only her tiny front paws. 
Now, I am not a vet.  I have no experience mending tiny mouse spines.  So I figured the best thing I could do for Minnie would be to put her out of her misery.  I knew Scipio (the cat) (my husband named him, why do you ask?) had no plans to use his catch for sustenance.  He would likely just go back out and play Bat the Mouse until he grew tired of it.  Nobody wants Minnie to suffer, right?  I asked Hubby to please do the right thing, and go put the creature out of it's misery.  Hmph.  Hubby would not.  He said "It's nature"  and "this is what animals do" and crap like that.  I said "Nature just came in and had a mid-game snack".  Finally Hubby agreed to go get me the hammer, so I could deal with this myself.  I figured I would just tap Minnie on the head, she wouldn't even see it coming, and her misery would be over.  Good deed for me.
In order to get a good image in your head, you need to know I was wearing my red Christmas nightshirt.  The one with the holiday penguins on it.  And Hubby could not find the hammer, which is why I had a crowbar.
I stomped out into the yard, annoyed at the cat for being cruel, at Hubby for being a softie, and Minnie for interrupting my evening with her broken spine.  One swift blow with the crowbar, and she was....well, not quite dead.  My aim isn't as good as it should be.  It actually took a few attempts, but then it was all over, and I flicked the fluffy body over the fence (the crowbar actually was handy!). 
I tried explaining to the students that I was doing a GOOD thing.  I didn't want pain and suffering!  I was practicing humane euthanasia!   They did not see it that way AT ALL.  In fact, they got the completely wrong idea!  They looked at me with huge eyes, horrified.
I guess I can hope that at the very least, they now are terrified of failing final exams....


dogsled_stacie said...

Oh yikes! Here you are trying to show your compassion and all they see is a crazy woman in her Xmas pj's playing whack-a-mouse with a crowbar!! Bahahahahaaaa!!!

I can relate though - those little buggers are hard to kill! I had get caught in a trap but not killed, so the first thing that came to my mind was to... drive my car over it. Same thing, had to go over it a few times and it was finally out of it's misery. But damn, killing mice ain't easy...

Matt, Kara, Hunter and Cavan said...

mahahahhaha!!! Awesome.

Fawn said...

I caught a mouse live once. Since I didn't want her coming back and couldn't bear to try smashing it, I drowned her instead. Is that nicer?

Also, it is NOT really nature. Cats are not a natural part of this environment. Euthanasia is definitely the lesser evil here. So there, hubby.

Also "not flaunting around like shameless exhibitionists"? AHAHAHAHAHA!! I am such a whore.

Anonymous said...

Did you clean the crow bar?