Shocking news....I am not a natural redhead. Well, I am, technically. It was red my entire life, until recently. Now it is beige. My hairdresser used that word, not me. It is beige, with strands of pale yellowish grey. I have no idea why I keep going back to that abusive woman.
Tonight was the night for "hair beautification". Time to do away with the beige, and cover it with a nice light auburn. For some stupid reason I decided to buy a different brand of hair color this week.
In slightly related news, I abhor change. Really really. In college I swore I would NEVER abandon cassette tapes. New fangled technology makes me twitchy. If I could, I would still be using Word Perfect 5.0, since it took me 4 years to get comfortable on that. When I first got to university, my best friend and I searched and broke into a typing room so we could write our papers the way god intended....on perfectly good electric typewriters. Anyway. Back to the hair.
This new stuff is a foam. For 6 years I have been using a squirt bottle of thick liquid, and apparently all the cool kids are using foam. I can be cool. I can try the foam.
I knew I was in trouble right away. The instructions were only one page, and were full of places to screw up. One step said "shake the mixture THREE gentle times. Do NOT over shake. Do NOT repeat the shaking motion again while applying." Ummmm.......what if my "gentle shakes" are more vigorous than the average? What if I accidentally drop the bottle, and the contents get shaken when the whole mess hits the sink? Will I be blonde? Bald????
I shook. I squeezed the bottle gently, in the middle, as directed. (What the hell kind of foam doesn't come from a push-lid type dispenser? This was not real foam.) The bottle oozed some nasty orange shit into my gloved hand. Hmmmm. It looked weird, but hey, sometimes change looks different, so I plopped it onto my head. Where it promptly lost the "foam" texture and became liquid. Now, if we were going to end up with liquid anyway, why bother with the whole "gently shaken foam" step???
The thing with coloring your hair is this. Once you start, you are kind of committed to doing it all. You can't just plop the first bit on and then call it a day. I continued to squeeze gently, plop, and watch the foam dissolve all over my head. Around the middle of the bottle the color shifted from orange to .....well, less orange. More burnt orange. And then a few poufs later it was brown-y orange. By the end it was BROWN. How was I supposed to decide which parts of my head wanted to be brown? Did I not shake vigorously enough?? Am I a SUBPAR SHAKER OF HAIR FOAM???
I'd love to tell you how this looks, but it's still marinating on my scalp. The foam is trickling down my neck and back in orange rivulets. I need to stew for another 10 minutes, while I research (horse before the cart and all that) this new stupid hair color foam crap.
Wish me luck.