Yesterday, I went visiting the schools I used to work in. I need reference letters to apply for jobs in another province. Until I was there, in the school, talking to ADULTS, I had forgotten just how much I loved working. I sat listening to another teacher finish a class before lunch, and I just wanted to leap up and talk, too! While I was visiting with the principal, a secretary jokingly asked me if I wanted to substitute for the day. I did! I wanted to! I would have loved to be back in the classroom. The entire building just felt like....home. I miss being part of a team. I want to have plans again. Standing in front of a room full of teenagers doesn't scare me anymore, I love it! I even miss the snotty girls from the back row. I like teaching, and I'm good at it. I didn't want to leave, and go back to my boring home life.
Then I got home. I was gone all day, stopped at home for supper, and then was out the door for piano lessons. I made it back home for 20 minutes before my children went to bed. I didn't get hugs and snuggles all day. I didn't get to hear their stories, or play with them, or settle them in for naps. I didn't know what they ate for lunch. I had no idea what their day had been like. It felt like I had been cheated in a way.
I want to work. Teaching is what I do. But at the same time, I really hated the idea of missing more days with my babies. I want it all, and it just doesn't work that way.