Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Ugh.

I'm fighting it, I really am. It's too early in the year for me to feel that miserable fog rolling in. I think, deep down, that this is no "normal" bout of depression. This is "depression lite, with 60% less tears". I suspect that the anniversary of my father-in-law's death, combined with a summer of personal angst, is pulling me down. But knowing that I'm "not that bad off", or that things could be worse (have been worse) is not helping. What is helping? Remembering to breath. Going to bed early. Laughing whenever, wherever possible.
The good news? By the time I am ready to write this stuff, the worst is past. I never know that I'm headed down until I'm bouncing off the bottom, and coming back up. I realized today that eating pounds of crap does NOT make me feel cheerier. No. In fact, my double chin and expanding ass actually depress me more! Go figure! Chocolate is not the cure all!!
I guess what I'm trying to say is I'll be back. I haven't forgotten you, I've just had nothing worth saying. Or, I've had stuff to say, but no energy to bother saying it. You notice I've included lots of links in this post? That's because I'm too lazy to tell the same boring shit again.

I'll see you in the morning, when the sun comes back out.

.

5 comments:

WackyMummy said...

Hang in there. Wish I could be there to give you a hug. :( You've got friends thinking about you and sending warm fuzzy thoughts your way.

Murray said...

I'm bothered by the decreasing light, and have had great results with a SAD therapy light - see the top of http://www.exploreshoppingonline.com/tanning-therapy-lights.html and available at the health shop in the Horwoods Bldg in Whitehorse. It's one of the best $180 I've spent - while I enjoy a tanning booth more (MUCH more :) ), it's more expensive and not as effective when it comes to SAD.

gmanSet said...

Take heart, AM: it's not just you.
Feeling "oogy" is pretty common, and there is always the bounce-back phenomenon that helps show that you just had the "oogies". Oogies make us human. After all, who wants to be a robot?
I think you are a little wrong: chocolate is a cure-all that tastes yummy. My fatter face and bigger pants are badges of honour awarded by the chocolate gods!
Take it easy!

andrea said...

Wow...I read your post that you linked back to. I feel that things happen for a reason, and you meet people in all sorts of venues for lessons and gifts too. I have struggled for a few years now with depression and anxiety...and you're so very right. There is a lot of fear in admitting to a mental health problem...and the worry of being stigmatized by others also. It took me a very long time, and almost a complete "breakdown" to force my hand to finally seek intervention. I wanted so much to be happy and grateful...and, like you, couldn't understand why my life seemed so settled and okay yet I was still unable to find my "happy". Good for you, and thanks for sharing. I was meant to find you, and read your story. It has brought me great comfort...and you're freaking hilarious too.
from your one and only follower:)

twobuyfour said...

I'm sorry that you're going through this. I do periodically, myself. It's not something any of us enjoy. Personally, I try to eat right and get exercise and sunlight. And listen to upbeat music, watch comedic movies, and read whimsical books.

Plus, spend as much time with kittens and puppies as possible.