Tuesday, November 03, 2009

If I were in charge....

If I were in charge....
coffee would be healthy.
In fact, chocolate, salt, and all those other tasty things would actually burn calories. You'd have to be careful how much you indulged, or you would waste away to nothing.

If I were in charge, the first time a teenager rolled her eyes she would get a stern warning. The second time, her eyeballs would roll right out of her head, serving as a lesson to the other snotty kids in the class.

In my world, where I am the boss, there would be a rule that states: "A nasty bug can only travel through 1 member of each household before becoming benign." That would put an end to the endless cycle we are currently stuck in.

When I control the weather, snow will arrive November 15th, and stay until January 5th. The rest of the year will be summer.

If I were the boss of all, my favourite shows would NOT have reruns. Especially on nights when all I really want is to curl up with Gregory House, or Cal Lightman.

Staff meetings would be put into memo form, and e-mailed to me at home. 'Nuff said.

In my happy world, where I control ALL, the toilet (and the surrounding floor, wall, etc) would be self-cleaning. Or perhaps we could devise a system where boys with bad aim get a teeny zap of a shock every time they steer the stream off course.

Heck, I'm in charge. Let's make the entire house self-cleaning.

If I were in charge, every mother would get an extra 2 hours a day, to fit in wherever she liked. The only rule would be you must use your two hours for yourself. You can't share them with the laundry, whiny kids, or needy husbands.

If I were in charge, my hair would get longer and more lusterous every year, rather than thinner and paler. My body would continually morph into a Victoria Secret model shape, and I would never find those wrinkles and age spots again.

If I were in charge, things would be different. Trust me.


koreen (aka: winn) said...

Love your in charge list. The bathroom ones are absolutely brilliant. I can't think of many to add to it except:

Bugs would flee at the sight of me, or just drop dead by default.

FRIENDS would have continued forever. Buffy would be doing Buffy movies, and Serenity would have sequels.

J.K. Rowling would come out with Harry Potter: the Lost Years.

Whining would make children's tongues curl up so they couldn't talk momentarily. Enough of that and parents won't need to use earplugs anymore. (Not that I do... ALL the time, anyways.)

fawn said...

Love this! And now I shall have THIS song in my head for the rest of the day. (It's from a show -- I had NO idea Tony Bennett sang it!)

Anonymous said...

Can I come live in your world?
ME :)

Sara said...

Ha. Ha. Ha. Sign me up for the zapper!

wendy said...

holy crap can I move to your world, it sounds like utopia!

Janell said...

You've got my vote.