I just got home from my first bikini wax. Okay, not quite my first, but the only other time I've done this was many, many years ago, and the technician was a crackhead, and really, nothing got accomplished other than a small section of my thigh got waxed with extremely hot wax.
So. Today. Off I went, feeling brave. My friend (ha! Some friend!) swore to me that it would only feel like a bandaid coming off. No biggie.
Right away I told Holly (the technician) that it was my first time, but yes, I am a brave soul, and would like to go "all the way." She was all "I'll be so gentle you won't even notice me." HA! Why do these women keep lying to me?! She handed me a scrap of towel and said to strip down and hop up on the table. When she came back to the room I was busy trying to decide where to put the teeny towel. No matter what, parts of me were hanging out in the breeze. I don't know why I bothered....she just took it away anyways.
First came the wax. Oooo....warm. Nice. Soothing. See? This is not so bad. Then Holly gently (as promised) placed a strip of paper/cloth over the wax, and smoothed it down. I wasn't so sure about her touching me like that, but still....all was good. She smiled, and asked "How are you doing?" at the exact same time as she RIIPPPED the strip away. Nice distraction technique, Holly. However, I cannot make small talk when the delicate skin around my lady bits is being torn from my body. Before I could say a word, she had done the whole warm soothing wax, gentle strip, RIIPP routine again...this time even CLOSER to places I treasure!! This woman is nuts! How can she keep smiling while inflicting RIIIIPPP-oh-my-god-she-did-it-again pain on innocent people?! What the hell is wrong with her? What is wrong with ME, that I am still here???
I finally got a chance to catch my breath and speak. "I think, maybe, that today will not so much be a "all the way" kind of day, okay there, Holly? In fact, I'm pretty sure I'm good now! Done! So thanks!" She smiled at me. "I thought you might change your tune. No problems. I'll just do the other side, and you'll be done. Halfway there!!!"
Halfway? We were only half done? Was she kidding? And off we went, with more warm wax, gentle strips, riippping pain (literally) until she decided I was tortured enough.
As I was paying (yes, I paid for this experience) Holly asked if I'd like to book my next appointment. Ha! Ha ha!!! She's a funny one, that Holly.